Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Four minutes until I can fart!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
