what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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