Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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