she was so not down for the gang bang
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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