Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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