Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
