Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
well you can't waste a boner
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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