Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
