Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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