I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
