He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
two words: eviction party
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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