I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
