I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize