Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The uberlube is also flammable
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
