Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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