I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
