I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
