So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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