Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
