her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
