I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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