Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
