I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
