I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
