tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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