Have you finally orgasmed yet?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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