Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
