dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
