I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
