thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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