remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sext me about skeletons
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
