Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
