she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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