You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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