at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
