# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
