So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
