something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
