there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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