so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
