I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
