I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize