I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
