More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
