oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
