Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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