Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
