I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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