My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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