oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
