the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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