I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
