"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
handjob tips. give me some.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
