You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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