Umm I'm too high to move.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
