Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
