I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
