I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
