Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
