I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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