i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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