every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
