My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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