I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
