Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
