my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
