You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
