College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
