She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
